I couldn't BREATHE

itai
Originally uploaded by drunkard today.

It's been sometime.
Last week, I was very sick from all the cold/cough syptoms. Yes, so sick I just kept sleeping and didn't switch on my MAC. And I still had to work Sunday(19/9).
Then outstation for the week. The week in review, every day after work I just went to bed after dinner. Nights before I sleep and mornings when I wake up, the cough just gets worst. I felt like puking but nothing comes out. Couldn't eat much. The food was so bad, they just fried everything cos there's too many of us.
I went to the hospital when I got back on Friday (24/9). Pl, Rob, Joe gave me a ride in the taxi cos it was raining. (My bicycle is still at the ferry terminal) I would love to write more about the people I met during the week, but I guess not now....
The doc finally gave me antibiotics. I went home. Slept early. That's where the scary part begins...

I woke up coughing in the middle of the night. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe.
I... could...not...breathe.....
It was scary. I struggle to my verenda. I though I could inhale, but I couldn't.... I didn't know what to do.... I stuggled out and banged on my neighbours' doors.
GOD. Nobody in. Second door, she kept asking who was it, I couldn't even breathe, how was I able to speak? She finally opened, and CLOSED THE DOOR ON ME! I WAS DYING! FINE! The third neighbour came out to help and the second women reluctantly came out and they call an ambulance for me.

I guess I was still sane, cos I could hear what she told the hospital. It made me very angry indeed. I couldn't believe that there was this kind of person. I was on the floor. The third neighbour held my hand and I don't know what happened, I managed to suck in air for the first time. Tears were flowing out the whole time, I was a mess. The ambulance came, I went alone. The uncle in it was very nice, just kept me calm.

They put me on a drip, gave me some stuff to inhale (which I did that very evening I went), did some tests, now I've got 3 holes in my 2 arms. The doc took something from my right wrist. He said to test if I had asthma...? It was PAINFUL. I think he injected the needle perpendicularly into my wrist. I guess I would have yelled if I had the strength, but I could only afford to say 'itai..' in a tiny voice. I was crying like a little girl. Then he comforted me and I felt silly.

I don't know why, I just kept crying, not the real crying crying, but like, tears just keep free-flowing.
Initially, my mind was a blank, then things started coming into my head. It wasn't a flashblack.
It was more of, What if I just dropped dead alone in my apartment? What am I doing here? Random things just poped into my mind.
Why couldn't I breathe? Help. Why did it happen? Mum. Why me? Tears. The nurse handed me a little pink towel to wipe my face. I was a mess. I guess I was scared, I was alone. I don't know what is going to happen. (Shit, Iam tearing now as I type this) I guess shit happens. It's so terrible to go to the toilet with a drip, I never thought it would happen to me. Then I remembered the women who shut the door on me. (It turned me into an angst youth.) Then I thought about becoming a nurse. Totally Random.

It was 6plus in the morning. I finally fell asleep. I woke up around 8. Lied there, coughing occasionally. But I was feeling better. The nurse asked me if my nose was ok. (blocked nose becos I was still crying, yeah still) So she just smiled. They gathered that I will be ok and asked if I am going to get someone to send me home.

I called Ichiro. I cried again when I talked to him. He came. Guess he never entered an ER room before, or actually, had anything like this happened to him before. So he was a bit confused. But ok, I just smiled. He's nice, just doesn't know what to do. He tried to comfort me saying 'it's good that it's not like I was suffering from some major terminal diesase.' Haha thanks.

The doc gave me somthing to stop my cough. The med is potent. My head was in a whirl 30mins after I took it, at home of course. I couldn't stand straight. And I slept, until my cough started acting up just now. The doc said I'm alright, probably becos of my cough, that's why I couldn't breathe. (Yeah, I know that already) But he told Ichiro it could be mental. (I found out when Edachan called him on the handphone) Mental. I wasn't even thinking when I started coughing in the middle of my sleep. How could it be mental? Anyway, before I found that out, Ichiro pointed out a place for mental health near my place. He said I could go there if I have difficulties in breathing...??? What? I asked him if that's what the doc told him and he said no. Guess he thought I would take offence.

Ichiro drove me home. We thought we should get something for my neighbours since they helped me (and someone shut the door on me), so we stopped by a shop to get something for them. Tha's when Edachan called. He said he was shocked when he found out I was in the hospital. Well, I was totally in shock myself. Anyway, everyone is like asking me, am I eating. I just laugh. Thanks.

The neighbours weren't in. So Ichiro went home. I'll try again later. Ichiro told me to take Monday and Tuesday off, since I was working throughout the public holidays. Well, thanks, and then he reminded me I have to go somewhere else again for work on Wednesday. Thanks.

I guess I'm ok now, I'm breathing again.


*******
I took off my bandages (guess I was bleeding a lot then), I found not 3 but 4 holes. and the 2 at the wrist are big ones, like I can see 2 holes. Well, the hole for the drip is quite big as well.....